a collection of self-care tools like candles and coffee to improve your self-love love language

How To Find Your Self-Love Love Language


Everyone has heard about the love languages by now, and if you haven’t, you must be living under a rock. The term love language brings to mind relationships and romance, but what if the concept could be applied to self-care? It would mean treating yourself in ways that are most meaningful to you, and who wouldn’t want that?

Gary Chapman popularized the concept of love languages in his book The Five Love Languages. In the book, he discusses five different ways of expressing love to your partner. The idea is still popular 20 years later and for a good reason. Having a tool that can help you know exactly how your partner would prefer to be treated and loved is a gift to many.

In recent years self-love has been the focus for many people, and #selflove has 47.4 million posts on Instagram! Using love languages to know how best to treat and love yourself is something we should all try. I know that many people, myself included, would love to gain more insight into personalized self-love techniques.

What Are the Love Languages anyway?

Love languages are a tool for communication and can be used more effectively if you understand how to interact with them. You can take the quiz here.

  1. Physical touch
  2. Words of affirmation
  3. Acts of service
  4. Receiving gifts
  5. Quality time

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone more deserving of your love than yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”. Buddha

Note that Your primary love language may be different from your self-love love language. It’s important to try different things out to figure it out.

Discover Your Self-Love Love Language

Knowing your self-love love language can be a useful tool for self-discovery and growth. Here are the different self-love languages; find one that resonates with you the most. This will help you modify your self-care routine or even start one.

Physical Touch

If physical touch is your love language, you prefer the non-verbal use of body language and touch to show love and affection. A hug or a kiss from your loved one can make your day better. When it comes to self-love, you will benefit the most by taking care of your body and doing activities that make you feel in tune with your body.

Ideas on how to practice self-love through touch

  1. Doing yoga or going to the gym.
  2. Bike riding
  3. Getting a massage
  4. Making yourself a healthy meal
  5. Take a bubble bath
  6. Trying out new makeup looks and outfits
  7. Snuggle up with a blanket and a book
  8. Creating a good skincare routine
  9. Buying high-quality beddings
  10. Getting manicure/pedicure

Words of Affirmation

You communicate through encouragement, affirmations, appreciation, and listening. You feel happiest when someone expresses their affection to you through words. People who identify with words of affirmation are those who love encouraging themselves through words. Even simply replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is a way to show yourself love.

Ideas on how to practice self-love through words of affirmation

  1. Journaling
  2. Write yourself a love letter
  3. Recite daily affirmations
  4. Talk to a loved one
  5. Write a gratitude list
  6. Avoid toxic people.
  7. Write a goal list or create a vision board
  8. Read some inspirational quotes
  9. Forgive yourself for past mistakes
  10. Listen to personal growth podcasts

Acts Of Service

You are happy when people go out of their way to do kind/helpful things for you. You love getting assistance to lighten your load, like getting breakfast made or getting assisted with chores.

 If this is your self-love love language, you enjoy setting things up and preparing for yourself to make life easier later on. You show this by doing small acts of kindness for yourself.

Ideas on how to practice self-love through acts of service

  1. Delegate errands
  2. Redecorate or rearrange furniture
  3. Garden
  4. Book a therapy appointment
  5. Create a routine for things you find stressful
  6. Check off your to-do list
  7. Set a few monthly goals
  8. Make time for your hobbies
  9. Do the one errand you have been avoiding
  10. Donate to local charity organizations

Receiving gifts

If you find out that this is your love language, you value thoughtfulness and being a priority. The fact that someone bought or made something specifically for you makes you happy. An example is getting a ticket to a festival you’ve always wanted to attend. You need to treat yourself to gifts, whether expensive or free, just meaningful to you. Reward yourself; you deserve it.

Ideas on how to practice self-love through receiving gifts, love language

  1. Buying new loungewear
  2. Purchasing an online course
  3. Invest in your dreams and hobbies
  4. Take a vacation
  5. Enjoy a spa day
  6. Buy some fresh flowers
  7. Hire someone to clean your house
  8. Buy a ticket to a show or movie
  9. Create a scrapbook of memories
  10. Enroll in a class that interests you

Quality time

If this is your love language, you prioritize uninterrupted and focused conversations with your loved one. An ideal day would be hanging out with your loved one and simply enjoying each other’s company. It is all about spending productive time with yourself. Focus time on being present and getting to know yourself more.

Ideas on how to practice self-love through quality time

  1. Take yourself on a coffee date
  2. Try a guided meditation
  3. Pick up a new book and read
  4. Pray
  5. Sleep in
  6. Journal
  7. Take a nap
  8. Setting boundaries
  9. Spend time learning something new
  10. Go on a fun solo trip

I hope you have found your self-love love language.

Photo by Alisa Anton and STIL on Unsplash 

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